Mutual Payment
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: First part of Home series. Fay won't admit his feelings easily. When he is finally forced to do so, it won't make much difference. Shounen ai KuroganeFay, character hurts.


Disclaimer: CLAMP owns them.

A/N: This is the first part of what is going to be the Home series. This is also a **12-fics** response, the theme being "explosion".

* * *

Mutual Payment

"This world is damn boring."

"Of course you would find it boring," Fay commented dryly. "After all, you haven't got into a single battle ever since we got here. When there is no fighting, nothing is of interest to you."

"Oh, shut up, you idiot." Kurogane oh-so-maturely covered his ears. "You're obviously itching to fight, too. Or to find anything else to put your energy into."

"I could always chase you," came the uninterested response. "That would be natural, wouldn't it? A predator chasing his prey, as it should be."

"Except that you'd never do that," Kurogane pointed out. "For one thing, you're never that desperate to drink, and for another, such a thing would upset the princess."

"And for a third thing, Kurogane would never make me chase him just to drink," Fay added. "After all, he all but forces me to drink whenever I need it."

"I don't force you to do anything," the ninja countered. "The witch said it's impossible to do that, didn't she?"

"Perhaps you can't physically force me, but you rarely give me a choice," Fay pointed out quite calmly. "It's not like I can let you bleed excessively when you may still be of use to the princess."

"Of course, the fact that I'm the only thing still keeping you alive is not important. Because you still want to die, don't you?"

"My, my. Such gloomy words, my dear Kurogane," said Fay with a voice completely lacking any kind of affection. "Now why would I do that? That would upset the princess even more."

"You would do it because you're a damn idiot, that's why," Kurogane growled.

"Such unimaginative insults. I'm disappointed, Kurogane." Fay pretended to yawn. However, he suddenly appeared completely awake as a loud noise from nearby drew his attention. "Did you hear that?"

"Did I hear that?" echoed Kurogane. "I hardly could have missed it!" A delighted grin lit up his face. "You know, it sounds like something very big and very dangerous was messing around there…"

"Indeed." Fay smiled humourlessly. "Let us go and find you some amusement, why don't we?"

* * *

The 'some amusement' turned out to be rather a serious case. The monster gave no indication of being about to die any time soon. Large and strong, it wasn't easy to bring down even with their skills. So far they had only managed to deal it some minor wounds, but nothing big enough. 

"Fay-san!" exclaimed Sakura as she ran nearer. "What is it? What should we do?"

"Ah, Sakura-chan," Fay said. "It's nothing, just a little monster. We'll take care of it in just a moment. Do stand aside for a while, please."

"Are you sure you're going to take it out?" asked Sakura doubtfully. "It looks huge…"

"That monster is really scary!" Mokona squealed from its perch on top of the princess' head. "Will Fay-mommy and Kuro-daddy take care of it soon, please?"

"Rest assured we will," Fay said with a small smile, his staff held firmly in his hands. At each end of the staff he had attached a deadly sharp blade in the previous world. What had before been little more than a wooden stick was nowadays a lethal weapon anybody would have feared.

With one last smile at the princess, he leapt back into the battle. Kurogane was still there, slicing and cutting and thrusting all the time. From his peripheral vision Fay saw that Syaoran had also joined the battle, but he ignored this. The boy could do whatever he wanted as far as Fay was concerned.

Apparently Kurogane wasn't as unconcerned. "Hey, brat!" he shouted angrily. "Go away and leave this battle for the adults!"

"No way!" Syaoran shouted back. "I must protect the princess!"

"Look, we can handle this just fine," Kurogane growled, using the same tone as he always did when he didn't want somebody to detect his fondness for them. "So get your ass out of the way and let us do the job."

"Stop yapping and fight," Fay shouted at him. "You're doing no good to anyone at the moment."

They dealt the monster a few more blows with their weapons. One time Syaoran almost fell prey to the magnificent fangs, but Kurogane saved him at the last moment.

Fay stared at the fangs snapping closed just a few inches away from Kurogane and wondered why Kurogane would always allow Fay to drink from him. After all, the situation was very little different from the one Kurogane had just saved Syaoran from.

Kurogane's concern hadn't been in vain, it seemed. A few moments later Syaoran was hit by a monstrous claw that tore a deep wound into his sword arm. It wasn't until after the third sharp order from Kurogane that he finally agreed to step aside.

The next one to almost get hit was not Syaoran, though. Fay himself almost got injured as the monster-like creature rushed towards him in its rage.

Muttering a curse under his breath, Fay bounced back from the monster. Landing quite some way from the battle, he stopped for a while to gather his breath. He still wasn't entirely used to his new vampire physique despite having had it for quite some time, and thus he couldn't always exactly tell what he could and couldn't do. Whatever his limits were, though, it was clear he could not reach them without some rest every once in a while.

"Fay-san?" asked Sakura worriedly. "Why is it taking so long?"

"Oh, the monster's just a bit tougher than we expected," Fay replied with a brilliant smile. "Have no worry, though, Sakura-chan. There's no doubt we will take it down in the end!"

Just then, a loud cry drew his attention back to the battle. The one who had cried out was Syaoran. However, this was not due to anything that had happened to the boy himself. Flying away from the monster's still out-stretched paw, deep claw marks crossing his body several times, was Kurogane. Upon landing he hit his head on a rock. Then, he lay still.

Fay stared. This couldn't be happening. Kurogane was the best warrior he had ever seen; there was no way the ninja could be beaten by one lousy monster.

Yet there Kurogane was, lying on the ground, apparently only half conscious as the monster slowly approached, saliva dripping down its terrifying fangs. Kurogane noticed it and tried to leave, but his injuries prevented him from escaping. All he could do was slowly push himself away – far too slowly to escape the rapidly approaching beast.

This was exactly what he had wished for. With no Kurogane, there would be nobody forcing him to live on. He would have his wish granted for free.

Then why did the mere thought of it hurt so much?

He hadn't managed, he noticed. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't distance himself – he couldn't ignore his feelings for Kurogane. And now his weakness would hurt him.

He didn't even think about it at first. By the time he consciously decided what to do, his fingers had already half drawn the first magical rune in the air. The others soon followed, his mind directing as much power as possible into the runes.

Fay finished the last runes just as the monster was about to sink its fangs into the mostly-helpless Kurogane. Extending his hands as far as they would go, he shot the magical blast at the beast.

Two screams were heard simultaneously. One was that of the monster, crying out in pain as it writhed under the pressure of the magic before finally giving in and collapsing, lifeless. The other cry was that of Fay, it being a scream of pain as well as he still held his hands as far away from his body as he could, a grimace on his face.

"Fay-san?" asked Sakura worriedly, rushing to his side. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Sakura-chan," he told her through clenched teeth. "Go and see whether Kurogane's okay."

"But – but your hands!" exclaimed the girl, her eyes widening. "They are completely burned!"

Fay looked down at his hands. "Yes, they are," he replied. "But I'll live. Just go and make sure the idiot will, too."

With one last frightened glance and a nod, she hurried away. Fay fell down onto his knees, looking at his hands. He could not remember ever firing a blast that powerful, not even when he'd had all of his magic. No wonder he had burnt his hands so badly.

Glancing to where Sakura was now kneeling beside Kurogane's motionless body, he wondered whether it had done any good.

He also wondered whether even death would give him peace if it hadn't.

* * *

Kurogane was not all right. However, he also wasn't dead. And, very well displaying his usual stubborn nature, he woke up within just a few days, long before he was expected to have recovered enough for that. 

As always, the first thing the ninja did was glance at his surroundings. The room was almost empty. There was only one chair beside his bed – and one person on the chair.

"So you decided to wake up, then," Fay remarked dryly. "About the time, too. Sakura-chan is getting quite distressed."

"Where is she, then?" asked Kurogane, raising an eyebrow. "I'd rather expect her to be here than you who don't care at all."

"It's not by choice that she isn't here, I assure you," Fay replied sharply. "She and Mokona just kept falling asleep beside your bed so I sent them to get some rest. I finally had to carry them to Sakura's room. Even half asleep she kept telling me to inform her as soon as you've woken up."

"Then go tell her," Kurogane replied, avoiding looking at the mage. "You don't want to spend any more time here than you absolutely need to, after all." After a moment, during which neither moved or spoke, he asked, "Are you thirsty?"

"Not enough to drink from a recovering patient," replied the blonde. "You should now try to recover. I'll go and tell Sakura." He quickly stood to leave. However, as he did so, something caught Kurogane's eye.

"Wait a minute. Just what happened to your hands?" the ninja asked sharply, staring at the bandages covering both of Fay's hands. "What have you done?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Fay replied, his tone almost that of his former carefree teasing. However, there was a hint of something bordering on desperation in his voice that somebody like Kurogane could not ignore. "I just burned my hands, that's all."

"How exactly did you burn them?" asked Kurogane, concern flashing in the crimson eyes. "Even if you've been messing with fire unable to tell distances again, you should have only burned one hand." Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Wait a minute. Right before I lost consciousness something hit that monster – something that looked very much like magic. You didn't –"

"Do you really think I would?" asked Fay, trying to sound unconcerned. However, as the crimson glare continued, he sighed. "I… I used magic to attack the beast. However, I miscalculated the force used for the attack, and the blast burned my hands."

"You actually bothered to do something to prevent me from dying? You're getting soft." Kurogane moved his gaze away from Fay again.

Fay's hands tightened into fists. However, it hurt so badly he had to loosen them again. "I – I couldn't help myself," he said quietly. "I just didn't want you to get hurt…"

For a moment Kurogane didn't say anything. Finally, he asked, "And you are telling me this why, exactly? Usually you'd rather die than admit such a thing."

"I don't want you to die," Fay said. "I'm very much aware of that. However, I'm doing my best to ignore such feelings."

"Why so?" asked Kurogane. "Am I that disgusting?"

"You wouldn't understand anyway," replied the mage, starting to walk towards the doorway. "Everybody close to me gets hurt in the end."

"It's because of that person you are running from, isn't it?" Kurogane asked. Fay froze in the doorway. "Don't even try to deny it; I know that's the reason."

"Hyuu," Fay said quietly, lowering his head. "I see Kuro-sama is as observant as ever."

"Not observant enough, since I've not a damn clue what to do with you," Kurogane grumbled. "You're only hurting yourself."

"At least I won't hurt anybody else," Fay replied with as emotionless a voice as he could manage. "That's all that matters to me."

"Do you really think so?" the ninja questioned. "Do you really think you're not hurting anyone? Think about the princess. Think about the meat bun. Damn, think about the brat, too. This one's not done anything to you; you shouldn't punish him for the crimes of another. They all suffer because of your idiocy."

"What about Kurogane?" asked the mage, his voice barely audible. "Am I hurting Kurogane, too?"

The ninja turned his gaze to the ceiling. "I'll live," was his simple answer.

"But that's not enough," remarked Fay softly. "Living is not enough. Kurogane must not be hurting."

"I know," the ninja replied. "Rest assured I never planned to. Silly me for actually caring about you, eh?"

"Yes," Fay whispered. "Silly Kurogane indeed."

"How long exactly are you going to continue this?" Kurogane asked sharply. "You're not doing any good to anyone. I'm not about to leave you alone, and I think we've just about established you can't bring yourself to get rid of me, either. So why do you keep avoiding me?"

"If I don't appear to care about you, the one I'm running from won't use you against me, either."

Kurogane blinked. He certainly hadn't expected this honest an answer. "Hey, wait a minute. Did you just actually tell the truth?"

"I believe that is the case for once. I promise I'll do better in the future."

"Like hell you will. What's it with you and constant lying, anyway? Is truth illegal in your world?"

"Not illegal, no," Fay replied. "But far too often deadly if it reaches the wrong ears."

"Damn, you're really messed up," Kurogane grumbled. "You know what? When that guy you're running from finally catches up with us, we'll take care of him together. Then you can go to Japan with me and Tomoyo-hime can teach you how to tell the truth. She can't stand liars."

"But she must like rude people, right? Or Kurogane wouldn't be one of her ninjas." Fay shook his head. "The one I'm running from is much too powerful for you to defeat, Kurogane – or even for both of us together. Even when I still had all of my magic, the most I could do was put him to sleep."

"Well, if I don't try, I'll never know, right?" asked Kurogane. "I'm going to be the strongest man in all the worlds. If I can't defeat somebody, I can just as well die, eh?"

"Kuro-sama shouldn't say such bad things," Fay said quietly. "You will scare the children."

"No, I won't. I'll scare you," Kurogane replied. "Don't worry, I'm not going to die anytime soon. After all…" He glanced at Fay's bandaged hands. "You already paid the price for my life."

"That means nothing," came the response. "After all, Kuro-sama has paid for my life with a price much greater."

"It's not greater," Kurogane replied. "I bet the princess was shocked to see those hands of yours, wasn't she?" Fay's silence was enough of an answer. "That's it, then. Just to save me, you'd take away her smile. For the kids' smiles, you even broke your promise. It's a high price to you."

There was a long silence. Finally, a long, "Hyuuu," broke it. "Kuro-sama truly is the same as ever," Fay said quietly. "But it's no use anyway, is it? Nothing can be near me and not break…"

This time, Kurogane didn't say anything, looking at the ceiling. When he next glanced towards the doorway, Fay was gone.

* * *

"Are you sure you're strong enough for me to drink?" Fay asked, his only eye gazing sharply at the ninja. "You don't look that good to me." 

"I'll live," Kurogane replied. "Besides, I wasn't even properly wounded."

"Oh, no. You were unconscious for three days because you thought it was nice to sleep, right?" Fay raised an eyebrow. "I don't think so."

"Well, if you wait much longer, you'll be the one unconscious," Kurogane said dryly, raising his sword. Quickly, he slit his wrist. "As always, it's your choice. Although if you are so concerned, maybe you should hurry."

"As always, you don't give me a choice," Fay corrected him. Stepping closer, he took a careful hold of Kurogane's arm, then started drinking from the wound. The ninja didn't show any sign of even noticing the pain the wound must have caused.

During the whole time Fay drank, neither of them said or did anything that could be counted as interaction. Kurogane stared at the nearest wall impassively as ever, appearing almost unaware of the fact that the vampire was drinking his blood.

Finally Fay cleaned and bound the wound and set Kurogane's wristband over it as always. Both were silent for another moment as he absent-mindedly licked blood from his lips.

"…How do you stand it?" asked Fay finally very quietly. "How do you stand me, drinking your blood? How do you stand being little more than a snack to somebody else?"

For a long while, Kurogane was absolutely silent. Finally, he spoke. "I don't want you to die," he said simply. Even though Fay waited for a while, no other response was coming forth.

* * *

"Oh, it's nothing," Kurogane said. "Don't worry, kid, I'll be fine. There's just something I need to get from the town." 

"Oh, I'll do it for you, Kurogane-san!" Syaoran said. "Just tell me what you need and I'll get it for you."

"I can do it myself," Kurogane replied, not sounding as irritated as one might have expected him to. "You can come along if you want to, though."

"Then I will." Syaoran nodded seriously. "Somebody needs to be there in case you collapse suddenly or something."

"Mokona will come too!" Mokona informed them cheerfully. "Mokona wants to help!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" growled Kurogane. "I'm not some little kid or something!"

"No, you're just still recovering," Fay said calmly. "And, I may remind you, currently in the company of a lady, so do mind your language."

"Oh, shut up, idiot." With this, Kurogane marched off. Syaoran hurried to keep up with him, Mokona bouncing after them while humming a little silly tune.

"Fay-san?" asked Sakura quietly. She sounded concerned for some reason.

"Yes, Sakura-chan?" the vampire replied, smiling at her. "Is something wrong?"

"Eh – no, not really. I just wondered whether something was bothering you. You seem… distracted, somehow."

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just rather tired, that's all." Fay's smile got even brighter.

Sakura nodded, obviously relieved. Foolish little girl. She was always so easy to deceive. "Oh! Then Fay-san should go to sleep, right?" she suggested eagerly. "It's okay, I can do just fine by myself. And if something comes up, I'll be sure to wake Fay-san!"

"I'm not really that tired," Fay protested. "But if it makes Sakura-chan feel better, I will!" He smiled brightly, then headed towards the bedroom he for once didn't share with Kurogane.

It took him quite some time to fall asleep.

* * *

When Fay woke up, there was something next to him. Looking at it, he found a small box on top of which was his name. There was no way he could have mistaken it – it was the only word he could read in Kanji, after all. 

It was his own name. Which meant the box was intended for him.

Inside the box, there was nothing except for a pair of gloves. A pair of black silk gloves, fitting Fay's hands perfectly as he finally decided to try them on. Turning his hands around, he examined the two small pieces of clothing. They fit like they had been made especially for him.

The gloves covered every single scar remaining from when he had burned his hands.

"Silly Kuro-sama," Fay said softly, folding his now gloved hands. "Silly, silly Kuro-sama, thinking it matters to me."

After this, he was never seen without his gloves.


End file.
